


An Affairious Plot

by Severely_Lupine



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-09
Updated: 2013-04-09
Packaged: 2017-12-07 23:30:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/754375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Severely_Lupine/pseuds/Severely_Lupine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snape has reason to suspect his wife is cheating on him with his best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Affairious Plot

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kittylefish](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=kittylefish).



> This fic assumes a future wherein Snape and Hermione are married, Tonks and Lupin are married, they're all obviously alive, and they're all friends. (Because I just love the idea that Snape and Lupin might have become friends eventually, even if Snape would never admit it.)

Snape froze in his tracks. There were voices coming from the closet. Familiar voices. And deep breathing.  
  
“Where’s Severus?”  
  
“In his study. He’s working on a project. He’ll be in there for hours.”  
  
Something thudded against the wall. “Does he suspect?”  
  
“Of course not. Now shut up and kiss me.”  
  
More sounds now. Shuffling. Thudding. Grunting. Gasping.  
  
Snape’s face burned red, and his hand twitched for his wand. He shouldn’t have been surprised, but he was. The rage of utter betrayal coursed through him. Didn’t suspect, did he? No, he hadn’t. They’d been remarkably discreet for Gryffindors. But now they’d got sloppy. Thought they could pull one over on a former spy, did they? Oh, they’d learn.  
  
He tampered down the violent outburst that wanted to erupt and stalked off, plotting his revenge.

* * *

  
Not much later, the door opened and Hermione poked her head out.  
  
“Is he gone?”  
  
“Yes, it looks like it.”  
  
Hermione stepped out into the hallway, followed by a harried-looking Remus Lupin. “How I let you talk me into these things,” he muttered, straightening his robes. “We’re damn lucky he didn’t tear the door open and eviscerate us both, Hermione. You know Severus has a temper.”  
  
“So you think he bought it?”  
  
“He bought it, all right,” said Tonks, strolling up to them. “At least if that murderous scowl he was wearing when he passed me was any indication. If I hadn’t known better, I might have bought it.” She gave Hermione a stern look. “I like a good Snape-pranking as much as the next Black, but if you get my husband killed, Hermione, you and I are going to have words.”  
  
“He’s not going to kill Remus, Tonks,” Hermione assured her. “He likes him too much.”

* * *

  
It had been two days since he’d discovered their affair, and Snape had caught Lupin and Hermione giving each other lingering looks a dozen times and had witnessed at least five not-quite-casual touches. That idiot Tonks was too dense to see what was going on right in front of her, but Snape wasn’t.  
  
He’d figured it out now. He would wait until they had another liaison, then catch them in the act. This time, he’d be calm, controlled. He’d make them confess everything, then take out his wand. He’d decided he couldn’t bring himself to kill them, but he would make sure they’d never forget crossing him. He wasn’t entirely sure which curse he’d use (there were so many good ones), but it would come to him.  
  
That night, he got up from dinner and declared that he’d be in his study for the next four hours. They were both very casual about it, but Snape could see the anxious eagerness in their eyes.  
  
He turned the corner and hid in the shadows. Within ten minutes, he heard them make some pathetic excuse to Tonks then slink off down the hall. He followed them silently up the stairs and watched them go into the room at the far end—the library of all places—then went to the door and waited. He heard whispers he couldn’t quite make out, and things being moved around. He heard their breathing deepen into gasps and moans, and soft thumping on the cushion of the library sofa. This was it.

* * *

  
Remus skimmed the last paragraph of a book he’d set down earlier that day, gasping and moaning obscenely as he turned the page and leaned back in the arm chair. “How long . . . do you think we have?” he whispered between pants. He had to admit, he was enjoying himself. Just trying to think up ways to communicate that sounded indecent was more fun than he’d had in a while.  
  
Hermione was across the room, sitting on the sofa and bouncing vigorously up and down, her labored breathing slightly less faked. “I don’t—”  
  
She stopped speaking as the door slid open, and she and Remus turned expectant eyes to it.  
  
“Well, what have we—” Severus had started the sentence with a bitter, self-satisfied silkiness, but it faded quickly to nothing. His eyes went wide and he stood stiff as a board. Remus had to fight not to burst out laughing at his expression. Severus’s eyes went from Remus to Hermione and back several times, then finally took in the balloons, streamers, and pile of presents that they’d only just got set up. “What the hell is this?” Severus bellowed finally.  
  
“It’s a birthday party, Severus,” Hermione said, beaming and running over to throw her arms around him.  
  
“Then you and Lupin weren’t—”  
  
Hermione laughed. “Of course not!”  
  
“But I heard you—I saw—”  
  
“How else were we going to surprise you?” she asked him. “You’d have seen a party coming days ahead if we didn’t give you something else to focus on. Besides, you’ve had too little intrigue in your life since the war ended and I could tell you’ve been missing it, just a little.”  
  
Severus didn’t notice Tonks appear behind him until she spoke. “Also”—he spun so fast he nearly knocked the cake out of her hands—“you’re way too fun to wind up.” Remus grinned at his wife and watched her walk in, plant a peck on a still astonished Severus’s cheek, and set the cake on a small table. “You didn’t honestly think I was dim enough not to notice my husband having an affair with one of my best friends. I am an Auror, remember.” She came over and plopped herself down on Remus’s lap.  
  
He wrapped his arms around her waist. “And you didn’t honestly think I’d cheat on my wife . . . with my best friend’s wife . . . under his own roof . . .  _while he was home?_ ”  
  
The shock on Severus’s face was fading, but it was giving way to relief rather than anger.  
  
Hermione hugged Severus. “Admit it, you kind of had fun plotting our doom.”  
  
Severus smirked and returned her embrace. “Maybe a little. So . . . you’re really not—”  
  
She shut him up with a kiss. Remus was just beginning to wonder how long they’d have to sit there pretending not to see it when Hermione broke the kiss and said, “There’s no one else, Severus, and there never will be. It’s only you.”  
  
He looked like he believed her.  
  
Remus cleared his throat. “So, can I assume I’m safe from retribution?”  
  
Severus cocked an eyebrow at his friend. “Assume what you like.”  
  
Feeling a grin coming, Remus tried valiantly to suppress it, but didn’t think he succeeded. It was a sort of bittersweet happiness. Severus would have made a fine Marauder in his own right. It was a tragedy that James and Sirius had never known this Severus—had never given themselves the chance to.  
  
Tonks looked from Remus to Severus and back, her eyebrows raised. “Do you boys want Hermione and I to give you a minute?”  
  
Remus laughed, Severus scowled, and Hermione cut the cake.


End file.
